I know life seems so uncertain and confusing to you right now and I'm so sorry. I know you feel pulled in opposing directions, that your life feels out of control, that all you want is for the dust to settle so you can move forward with your life. You feel that all of mess from Mom and Dad's divorce just needs to stop so you can move on with your life. You feel angry and hurt at the unfairness of it all. I know that you feel these things because I feel the same way. I'm so sorry, my precious little ones.
I wish I could have been smarter and wiser about being married to your father. I wish things could have ended differently. I wish things were better today than they are now. I have made so many mistakes and made so many bad decisions but know this. You were never one of them. You are the best of me and the best of your father and the best part of the time your father and I were together.
Firstling; you are the child who made me a mother. You were the child who brought me to understand what 'unconditional love' truly meant. You were the dream I never knew I wanted until I heard your first cry the day you were born. Firstling, I wept the day you were born; tears born of a deep primal connection that is a mother's love for her child. Firstling, I know that you are suffering most of all because you remember the time when our family was whole.
Secondling, you are the child your parents fought for. You are the miracle. You are the child who brings joy and delight to everyone you meet. Your gentle touch, your impish smile, your angel voice make all the struggle of daily life disappear and for a brief moment, all the problems of the world are forgotten. Secondling, you made us all better people merely for the privilege of being your family. Secondling, you do not remember the love that used to describe your family but you are living proof that it was real.
My darling babies. What you must understand, what you must never forget is that in spite of everything, your father and I are always on the same side; your side. Whatever the problem between your father and I, it is our problem, not yours. It is not yours to fix, or mediate, or resolve. Your father and I will always love you, even though you may not believe it. Your father and I will always support you, even when you don't feel it. Your father and I will always do what we think is right, even though you may not believe it. We will be wrong many times. We will make mistakes many times. And yes, we will continue to disagree, many times. But we will never disagree about loving you. Forgive us. We are doing the best we can, we are trying to be the parents you need. We may never be the parents you want and as your mother, I am prepared to admit that my best may never be good enough. The only promise I can make is that you will always get the best part of me. I'm sorry for my deficiencies.
Be brave and be strong my darling angels. I have every confidence that you have the courage and strength you need because you are my children and I am your mother. You are still too young to fully understand the realities of what is happening in our lives right now. No matter what the future holds, I can promise you this; I will always be here for you. When you are ready, I will tell you what you need to know. In the meantime, my children, remember those words Firstling said to Secondling the day you met in the hospital.
"I'm going to love you forever. I'll never stop loving you."